We Deserve Better Than The People We Meet In Our Pilot Episode


I have an unpopular opinion that I carry around with me daily. Silencing it, in an effort to appease my friends and maintain established relationships and not upset my followers on Tumblr.

I am not really rooting for Jessica Day and Nick Miller to end up together.

Please set down your pitchfork and let me explain myself. In the pilot episode of New Girl the chemistry was obvious. There were subtle, yet undeniable sparks between these characters. And the toothbrush scene at the end of “Cece Crashes”? I was totally on board. But guys. They dated. It didn’t work out. They were not their best when they were together. Watch season three again. Really take it in. These two are just better off as friends. I’m not rooting against them. But if the two of them are happier apart than together, then that’s what they deserve.

I want to be clear here that I understand these are fictional characters. I know their failed relationship was something writers wrote, directors directed and actors acted. I do in fact live in reality. But with all the will-they-won’t-they-relationships for us to consume on television in this day and age, my version of reality is heavily influenced by a belief that no matter what mistakes my Ross makes, I’m his lobster and I’m going to get off that plane.

I have had my fill of relationships that felt sitcom ready. Oh the hilarious flurry of events that have led me to meet-cutes with fixer-upper dudes. The flirty beginnings, subtle glances and barely-touching-touching. And every time I can’t help but be all a tizzy with possibility! So it’s somehow exciting when the relationship is a back-and-forth and drawn-out process with almost! almost! ALMOST moments. It’s for whatever reason a positive thing that nothing is clear. Somehow “tumultuous” becomes a good sign because hey, it’s not like Ted met Robin and it was all smooth sailing from there on out. No way–he needed nine seasons, twenty-five years, two kids and a dead wife to end up with his pilot-episode dream girl. Ugh! If only we were all so lucky!

Here’s a thought though. Waiting for someone to come around or get their priorities in order or stop dating idiots or grow up or show up in the rain isn’t always in our best interest. The healthiest relationships I’ve known have had ups-and-downs, not back-and-forths. There are people out there who know what they have when they have it and they hold onto it for dear life. That’s what we deserve. That’s what we all deserve.

People that are stagnant–or are interested in keeping you stagnant– are not worth your time. People that aren’t conducive to the parts of you that are courageous, bold and impulsive should stay in your Pilot episode where they belong. Why do we allow these barely-committed humans to stick around through the sweeps weeks of our lives? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that you are awesome. That you have really solid character traits, are realreal cute and are just a well-rounded human being who brings a lot of good into this world. Own that. Surround yourself with people that aren’t wishy-washy or on-the-fence about where you land on the phenomenal scale. Be in relationships with people who are willing to work just as hard as you are to make it work.

I’m not against the idea that people can grow up and come back into your life or start things up again and it will work out. I’m just not on board with the concept that that’s the ideal scenario. That it’s acceptable to spend more time than we ought to waiting for humans who weren’t buying what we were selling.

Think highly enough of yourself to do your thing and do it well. And spend your time learning, growing, giving, living. Someone will come around that is enticed by the very essence of you without question or cliff-hangers. And even if they don’t, live your life well and you’ll still have a hell of a run.


  1. Oh my…. yes! Resoundingly, yes! This line: “The healthiest relationships I’ve known have had ups-and-downs, not back-and-forths.” Can I tell you how many times I’ve done this? It’s terrible. It’s called whiplash and I’m still recovering. I love Nick and Jess and haven’t watched the third season cuz I kind-of want to leave them in the tizzy, fun, ALMOST place. But I’m picking up what you’re putting down here… this is such good encouragement to wait. A solid man, a self-aware man, is so worth the wait.


  2. This was AH-Mazing! I could not stop reading. And the end?! I loved it. And every other minute of it. In a world where we are so enthralled with the back-and-forth, watch-until-they-get-back-together (said from the middle of a Friends marathon couch sitting world, because I am literally doing just that), think that the world is full of sitcom filled relationships (friends, couples, families), this was the most refreshing thing I have read! And I needed it. It was good for my heart. And my sleep patterns! Because I have been staying up until 1am thinking that all things will right themselves if I watch just one more episode. Thank you for reminding me that they already are and that this is one hell of a run!


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