Take Cover

takecover

When I was in high-school I used to write little “plays” all the time. Some were because they were actual school assignments(performing arts school, ya know?) and some were because I actually had a lot of fun doing it. They were all super dialogue heavy and usually just light brief moments in time that I wrote around funny little ideas I would have. Some of my staples back then were Arrested Development quotes, the word “rockin” and titles that didn’t really apply, they were just a song I was listening to while I was writing the play.

Anyway–I found this one today. It’s the only one I wrote that was 1. set in middle school and 2. was actually inspired by a true story from the news at the time. These weird rules actually existed at a middle school! The Handbook part was taken directly from the real school’s website. CRAZY.

Oh and I used to curse a lot then. So, while I removed some of them, I left a few so that the story would keep its essence. 🙂 Sorry ’bout it.

Take Cover

__________

A Play

From the Desk of:
Katelyn Mary Frances Schmidt

Cast of Characters:
Kyle: Kyle is thirteen years old, and though he is middle school attractive, and middle school popular, he is also middle school awkward.

Faith: Faith is also thirteen years old and she is a pretty girl. She has been warped by the circumstances at her school and talks with an elevated diction, but has childish desires.

Hank: Hank is fairly easy-going, which is why he doesn’t really object to the school policy. He really loves reading Jane Austen books and about Jane Austen. He should always have one of her novels in hand.

Megan: Megan, a military child, used to be quiet and reserved, but has become fed up with the ignorance that surrounds her daily at her school. This is the cause of her rebellion.

Stage Setting

The stage should be set up in three main areas. SR is the classroom with desks and a podium for the teacher. More center is the hallway area where a water fountain currently resides. SL is the lunchroom with tables, chairs, and food.

(AT RISE: We are in the classroom. Kyle enters and approaches the teachers podium with a hall pass in one hand and his other hand ready for a hearty handshake)

Kyle: Hi, I’m Kyle.

Mershon: (looks at hand, but avoids it) Hi Kyle, please take a seat.

(Kyle takes a seat by Faith)

Kyle: Gosh, it’s freezing in here.

Faith: Yes truly. And I do suggest getting used to it.

Kyle: Wait- it’s- it’s always this cold? It’s gotta be like- thirty degrees in here.

Faith: They like things cold here. I’m Faith by the way.

Kyle: I’m Kyle. (extends hand, but she ignores it) Is something wrong?

Faith: Not with me. Nothing is ever wrong with me.

(Kyle looks at her for a moment, dumbfounded, and then at his outreached hand, still dumbfounded.)

Faith: May I introduce you to my boyfriend? His name is Hank.

(The boy sitting next to Faith pops his head up from his book)

Kyle: Hi, I’m Kyle. (extends hand warily)

Hank: Please put that away, you’re gonna get us in trouble.

Kyle: Put what away?

Mershon: Kyle! Please put your hands in your pockets and stop attempting at physical contact. We take that pretty seriously around here.

Kyle: Take what pretty seriously? (throws hands in air to question)

Mershon: Put your hands away! They could accidentally touch someone!

Kyle: What? I- I don’t understand what the big deal-

(The bell rings. Students gather their belongings and exit into the hallway. Kyle, Faith, and Hank congregate by the water fountain)

Kyle: Gah, that guy is such an ass. Can you believe that?

Faith: (flabbergasted) Wow- I- hm. I honestly just don’t feel as if I’ve made enough of an acquaintance out of you to be concurring on anything. Especially when you use such excessively offensive language.

Hank: I feel compelled to agree with my love. It’s rather vulgar.

Kyle: Oh, um- sorry. I just, ya know, thought he was kinda rude.

Faith: If Mr. Mershon is rude, it is his choice. Who are we to judge?(pause) Hm. I have the grumblies.

Kyle: I’m sorry-you-you have the what?

Faith: The grumblies. As in, I’m famished. If you don’t mind, I’m going to excuse myself to the lunch area for Fiestada Day.

(Hank and Faith bow to each other and she exits into the lunch area.)

Kyle: If you don’t mind my saying, Faith is pretty cute.

Hank: Why would I object to you voicing your opinion?

Kyle: It’s just- ya know, she’s your girlfriend. Some, some guys just might not like other guys, ya know, looking at their girlfriends.

(Long pause as Hank considers this. He stares blankly at Kyle.)

Kyle: Right, uh, yeah. So, how long have you two been dating?

Hank: Six months.

Kyle: Whoa, six months and you’re still bowing goodbye.

Hank: What are you insinuating?

Kyle: It was just- ya know- kind of a cold way of saying goodbye to your girlfriend- the whole- bowing thing.

Hank: That’s how it has to be here at Mascoutah Middle. Haven’t you heard?

Kyle: Heard what?

Hank: There’s a very strict no touching policy here.

Kyle: What?

Hank: (losing his composure and screaming) NO TOUCHING!

Kyle: (taken aback by the outburst) No I- I get it. I just- ya know- tell me more.

Hank: (gaining back his composure with a cough) I will elaborate by quoting the School Handbook in the hopes it will clarify your questions. “Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”

(Pause)

Kyle: Take you long to memorize that one?

Hank: Please, I live by it.

Kyle: Wait- so you’re okay with this?

Hank: To an extent. I mean, it is my belief that you should be able to shake hands, high five, and maybe even a quick hug. But it’s all against school rules.

Kyle: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! Isn’t anyone gonna, I donno, do something?

Hank: My assumption would be a big ol’ negative on that one. Especially not after last week. This girl Megan decided to break school rules in a BIG way and gave two of her friends hugs goodbye. Now she claims she only put one arm around her friends shoulder for a brief moment in a gesture to say farewell, but she still got two days of detention.

Kyle: Two days of detention? For hugging? Where is this girl? I’d like to meet her.

Hank: She’s probably currently in the cafeteria. Like Faith mentioned, it’s Fiestada Friday. No one misses that.

(Kyle and Hank enter the lunch area where students are already seated and enjoying their Fiestada. Faith is seen giddy about Fiestadas and gleefully skips up to Kyle and Hank)

Faith: They made veggie Fiestadas today!

Hank: That’s great baby!

(They both hold up their hands as if to high five, but stop a good inch away from each other. They act is if this is normal, Kyle is disgusted.)

Kyle: So where’s this Megan girl?

Faith: You mean the tramp?

Kyle: (sarcastically) Whoa, watch your mouth.

Faith: I’m SO sorry, you’re right. I simply mean that modest is hottest and there’s something about that girl, that Megan, that really- uch. It really gets me fired up.

Kyle: God forbid. You get too hot you may want to physically contact someone.

Faith: Don’t be ridiculous.

Kyle: (rolls eyes) So, where is she?

Hank: Over there, eating by herself.

Faith: She used to have an abundance of friends. But well, since the incident- I personally think she got what she deserves. She knew the rules and she should have fought the urge.

(Kyle can handle no more of this dribble and approaches Megan, pretty, sitting alone. She is baffled by him approaching her.)

Megan: Maybe you haven’t heard; get too close and I may just touch you.

Kyle: (extends hand) Hi, I’m Kyle.

(Megan looks at hand for a moment, glances around and shakes it)

Kyle: That was refreshing.

Megan: All right, what’s this about?

Kyle: I just- I’m new here. And this whole stupid no touching policy, and- I don’t know. I heard about you and I wanted to meet you.

Megan: And why’s that?

Kyle: Well. I don’t know. I just- I heard about the hugs, and you seem to dislike the whole thing too, and I donno, maybe we could… revolt or something.

Megan: I’m sorry, but what? You say… you want a revolution?

Kyle: Well… ya know…

Megan: Listen, Kyle, we all want to change the world, but how exactly are you planning to…?

Kyle: How about no hug left behind?

Megan: That doesn’t make any sense.

Kyle: Um, One Hug At A Time? Get this whole school to just…like…start hugging?

Megan: How exactly are you planning to get the whole school in on this?

Kyle: I don’t know! I mean- surely there must have been a time when this school was different. We could just remind them of those rockin’ times and maybe they’ll all wanna join in and- I don’t know! I’ve never revolted before!

Megan: Well, you have a good point. I mean a couple years ago, before the no touching policy, everyone was really happy here. Maybe if we remind everyone of those-

Kyle: This is not the time for reminiscing! It’s the time for ass-kicking!

Megan: But you’re the one that said- wait- what? Ass kicking?

Kyle: I mean kissing! Hugging! I meant hugging. Just- touching. Touching in general.

(Awkward)

Megan: Let’s start with hugging.

Kyle: Good plan.

(Megan and Kyle huddle together as “Revolution” begins to play. The lights fade slightly as a huge group of other students huddle together with Megan and Kyle. Kyle goes in to hug Hank and he refuses. Megan attempts an embrace with Faith, and she, terrified, declines. Kyle&Megan demonstrate on each other that hugging isn’t that bad, and slowly other students begin to embrace each other, including Hank and Faith. Soon it is a giant group hug and the students seem triumphant. Mr. Mershon enters)

Mershon: (screaming) NO TOUCHING!

(The students, terrified, separate from each other and turn to Megan and Kyle for guidance. Megan turns to Kyle, the hero, he considers things and then makes a triumphant point to Mershon and the entire flock engulf Mershon in a hug {All You Need Is Love} begins to play)

Mershon: (screaming) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

{BLACKOUT}

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